This is not going to be a post that many will want to read, and I respect that. I am leaving the church. There, I said it. It's out there for the entire world to process. If you're experiencing some sort of knee jerk reaction, I understand. I'm sure many have questions, concerns, etc. If you have extremely specific questions, please text or DM me. I can't guarantee that I'll be willing to discuss in great detail, but we'll cross that bridge if/when we get there. As for this post, it will be pretty generic.

As a preface, this has been a long and painful transition of faith for me. My mental health has suffered, from anxiety to depression, and so forth. I've shed many tears, experienced anxiety/panic attacks, felt completely isolated, and have not stumbled upon my decision lightly. I ask for your respect regarding my decision, knowing that it wasn't something I decided upon overnight.

To save time and energy, I have answered or responded to a variety of questions and responses you may be having regarding my faith transition:

WHY ARE YOU LEAVING THE CHURCH?

The most generic answer I can give is that the church is no longer a place I feel contributes to my growth as a person. No one offended me. I'm not leaving so I can "sin."

WHAT ABOUT YOUR MORALS?

Religion is not required to be a moral and decent person. I still have a conscience and still have a desire to do good without the church’s influence.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR FAMILY?

Tyler is still choosing to participate, and I am 100% supportive of him. He has also been 100% supportive of me. We haven’t decided entirely how we would like to raise Indie yet regarding church involvement, but we’re working toward a place that works for us :).

DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT ETERNITY? YOUR FAMILY?

It is possible to care for these things outside of the church and church teachings, so yup :).

DID SOMETHING TRAUMATIC HAPPEN TO YOU THAT HAS CAUSED YOU TO FEEL THIS WAY?

No. No traumatic event happened to me that sparked this faith transition.

IS YOUR MARRIAGE IN TROUBLE?

Nope! We are very happy :).

ARE YOU PARTICIPATING IN A DIFFERENT RELIGION NOW?

No, I’m not interested in doing that at the moment. I’m just focusing on being present and loving others - that’s my new “religion.” 

I'M SO SORRY..

Please don't be sorry. I am on a journey towards increased happiness and joy in my life. Pity is not necessary 💖.

BY LEAVING THE CHURCH, DO YOU MEAN RESIGNING?

No, I'm not planning to resign at this time, I am simply choosing not to participate anymore.

DID YOU LEAVE SO YOU CAN DRINK ALCOHOL AND COFFEE?

People don't walk away from the church and/or the version of salvation that has been taught to them their whole lives for coffee and/or alcohol. So, no. 

DO YOU HATE THE CHURCH NOW?

No, I don't hate the church. The church was a positive piece of my life in a lot of ways and is important to many people that I love dearly. Although I find certain things problematic, having been involved, I understand why people choose to stay.

ARE YOU GOING TO START POSTING THINGS AGAINST THE CHURCH?

I might be a little more transparent in my beliefs now that I have made this public, but the content of my page should not change drastically. If at anytime you feel I'm crossing a line, I will not be offended if you choose to unfollow, mute, or unfriend me.

HAVE YOU READ THE BOOK OF MORMON AND PRAYED ABOUT IT?

Yes, more than once. I just haven't come to the same conclusion as many others have.

DO YOU THINK YOUR MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS ARE A RESULT OF ABANDONING THE CHURCH?

No, I know they're not. These issues started long before I stepped outside of the church. Living an inauthentic life has contributed more to my mental health issues, which includes forcing myself to continue participating in the church when it wasn’t working for me or my life.

I'D LIKE TO BEAR MY TESTIMONY TO YOU THAT...

I think it is wonderful that you have a testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, however sharing it with me is not going to sway me one way or another. I'm not going to assume that you do not have a testimony because I have left the church and you are supportive toward me. I trust if you are still participating that you believe and find joy there (unless you have talked to me otherwise). It is not an admission of a failed testimony to express support and love exclusively toward people who have left the church.

ARE THERE SINS YOU HAVEN'T CONFESSED OF THAT HAVE LED YOU TO FEEL THIS WAY?

No.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR TESTIMONY?

As we receive more knowledge, information, and have more life experiences, our perspectives change - and that’s okay.

YOU'RE BEING SELFISH.

Selfish means that someone lacks consideration for others and is concerned primarily with their own personal profit/pleasure. I am investing in my self so that I can be a better parent, spouse, and human. Hiding how I feel doesn't change how I feel and only weighs negatively on my mental health. I'm not primarily concerned with my own profit and pleasure, I'm doing this so I can be a functioning human and actually give back to the world. I know it might be hard for people to understand this if they feel the church contributes positively to their wellbeing and desire to give back. It just doesn't do that for me at this point in my life.

THE CHURCH HAS SO MUCH GOOD, WHY DON'T YOU FOCUS ON THAT?

The church does have many good things, yes, but the entire package of the church just isn't for me. It has never been my style to half-do things. I'm not interested in being a cafeteria mormon. I did that for years and it was more hurtful than helpful.

I AM WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

Thank you for your worry but I can reassure you that I am okay 💖.

HOW CAN YOU GO FROM SUPER DEVOUT TO THIS?

If you’re asking this, you may not know me extremely well. I haven’t been super devout for a really long time, but it can be easy to think that if your only reference has been social media.

I WILL PRAY FOR YOU AND/OR ADD YOU TO THE TEMPLE PRAYER ROLL .

Longer than what appears on the surface. I haven't been consistently attending church since 2015. It wasn't until my cancer diagnosis that I was finally able to admit what I was feeling and stop ignoring it. Although my cancer wasn't deadly, things like that cause you to think about how you're living your life. I found myself asking, "if I were to die tomorrow, would I be happy with the life I lived?" The answer was no because I felt like I had spent a large portion of my life keeping myself hidden and appeasing others.

EVEN THOUGH I'M STILL A MEMBER, CAN WE STILL BE FRIENDS?

Duuuuhh! I am not going to preach to you why you should leave the church. I am 100% supportive if that is the lifestyle you choose. I'm happy being invited to missionary farewells, baptisms, etc. to show my support to you as a human even though my beliefs have changed. I'd love to not be treated differently and ask that you don't do things differently just to appease me. Act as if things are normal, because they are. I'm still the same old me.

WHY DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU NEED TO DISCLOSE THIS ON SOCIAL MEDIA?

I'm very much the type of person to address an elephant in the room before the elephant gets too big (hilarious because this has taken me 3+ years to finally address). If we are friends here, it's because I have some sort of caring feelings for you. This is an important part of me, so I am sharing it. I'd rather it be addressed by me than reach people I care about in a round about way.

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At the end of the day, this has been a long and painful process. What I need from others is what every other human needs: love and support that is free of judgement and conditions.

I apologize sincerely to anyone I may have hurt under the guise of religion. Life is complicated. I'd never intentionally hurt or harm someone, but I want people to know that I am trying to be a better human; I am acknowledging that regardless of my good intentions, harm is still harm. Leaving the church, for me, is the pathway toward being a better human and increased authenticity in my life. I appreciate all the love and support that I have been met with along the way.

XOXO,
Meg